My toxic mother-in-law was cut off from life for 12 happy and peaceful months, she called at strange times for my husband to respond because he thought something was wrong. He sent her a three-word text for Mother`s Day a month ago and she`s been sneaking in ever since. My husband seems to forget all the horrible things she said and did. She is a masterful manipulator. I`m at my breaking point. What must I do? A hostile negative mother-in-law will look for ways to put you down and can judge your choices and everything you do. For example, she might not like your style, your accent, the way you eat, or the way you talk to strangers. She doesn`t like anything about you, so she might not like you. If things escalate to the point that you feel insulted or humiliated, it`s time to let your partner step in and have a discussion with the toxic mother-in-law. Although you are getting by, it is important that a partner also points out that this is not acceptable behavior. No one should tolerate these actions. Creating distance in any toxic relationship can relieve tension.
Emotional and physical distance may be more closely related than you think. By simply skipping a meal or dinner to meet the new friend, you create boundaries. Not being available on the fly is a good thing when it comes to a toxic relationship, it lets her know that she is no longer the only important person in your spouse`s life. Don`t feel guilty for not answering all the calls. I agree. My mother-in-law gives me sneaky compliments and insults me, but as a woman whose children are almost adults, I would love to help my children in this way and I would be sad if they thought my motives were not true for a toxic mother-in-law, so everything you do is usually greeted with some level of criticism. To protect yourself and your loved ones, you need to know your enemy. Here are 14 signs that you might be dealing with a poisoned mother-in-law. If you`re trying to get validation, you should stop trying. That will never happen. Your mother-in-law will criticize and complain. It will be impossible to please him, no matter what dinners you prepare or the house you try to clean impeccably.
After I had my daughter, she started commenting on my upbringing and even embarrassed me for choosing to give her formula. She suggested that I take care of all the parenting tasks, such as diaper changes, and never her son. My husband never makes any of the comments she makes and will make excuses for her. Recently, I went dancing with my friends and sister-in-law and posted about it. My mother-in-law saw it and immediately posted, “And where`s your husband?” I said to my husband and his response was, “What was wrong with your comment?” It took a lot of courage and I was so at peace when I ended my former mother-in-law. He didn`t even marry me. I`ve been with him for 12 years and I don`t have anything to count on, but it`s the right thing about us women, we can recover from everything. Now I`m going to go back to school and I`m going to try to find a job just so I can succeed in this hellish nightmare we call life. I was a single mom when I met him, and he spoiled my child, so I thought he loved her, but now that my child is a teenager, I see that they have no relationship. I learned so much from these proses.
I wish I could go back to the person I was before I met them and say, “RUN!!!. When you say, “I hate my mother-in-law,” it means that this person is crossing boundaries that you and your partner were trying to establish with them, or that you were never able to establish because of the controlling nature. Just getting the doctor`s appointment put me through a lot of stress with my husband because he didn`t feel comfortable talking about this issue, but it also made him stop and think seriously about the problem. We`ve only had two doctor`s appointments and our relationship seems to be on the road to recovery. We are happy now. It is as if a bad spell has been broken. He realized that his mother`s behavior was toxic. He realized that he had not set the limits he should have had from the beginning.
The doctor gave us “homework”:) Watching/hearing Dr. Brene Brown talk about Netlix, which has greatly helped our relationship recover. (There`s also another Dr. Brene Brown “Ted Talk.”) My family doctor also told me about a good book “5 Languages of Love”, in which each partner identifies his “primary” love language from five types (touch, quality time, service…). The couple remains happy as long as each other`s reservoir of love is full with the support of their partner:) It`s a wonderful book by Gary Chapman. It`s so sad that MIL is like this. I experience just about everything on the list. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years. The first two years were a long road and by the time my MIL was doing well, we were getting along well.
I saw a few red flags, but I never wanted to judge. I just thought that no one is perfect and does not give grace. But she complained a LOT and she was always the victim in the story. She told me a lot of lies, and on Thanksgiving Day, my sister-in-law told me the truth. I was stunning and completely deceived. When we announced our engagement, she flipped like a switch. One day I walked into her house (she was never married) and she told me how the fathers of my fiancé, a distant cousin, married someone on her side of the family. And how she is Risner. There was no hello, hello, it was also a Riner. I just looked at it as ok.. As a Hispanic, I was raised to impress my mother-in-law, to show her that you can take care of your son.
It`s a competition now. I brought him the marriage several times and no answer. Ignore me completely. Now, I`m not there when she talks to him. My fiancée never gives details about her childhood or admits her behavior. He just doesn`t want to deal with it. So I`m basically isolated from what I thought was the most important relationship I should have, and it hurts. Someone needs to create a support group for this.
Whenever there is an argument with the mother-in-law, she tells everything to my husband and he yells at me and says he is going to kill me and does not listen to my point of view, always supports his mother. What must I do? Trying to get back to your mother-in-law is not a healthy approach. Since she is your husband`s mother, there are certain boundaries you should not cross. Trying to manipulate your husband and poison his mind against her will only cause tension in all your relationships. Question: How can I get my husband to stand up to his toxic mother and ask her to act like an adult and not a bully? Or is divorce now my only option to make them happy? She may not admit it, but deep down, a toxic mother-in-law is jealous of you, and it`s her envy that causes her bad behavior towards you. She can minimize your success and success because she doesn`t feel safe. For 3 decades, I endured the hatred of my mother-in-law. My parents and grandparents left and I thought my children could benefit from having a grandmother, but their poison spread into my relationship with my husband and sometimes with my children. My son said the other day “Mom, she`s nice to everyone, she just doesn`t love you” I tried to kill her with kindness, buy her everything she wanted, take her to the doctor, listen to her needs (since her son wouldn`t do anything for her When I stopped eating her food (she lives with us), She decided to behave like a fool and not eat at all. She must always surpass me. She hides behind her religion and manipulates everyone around her with her “humility”. I`m done talking to him.
I have a good heart and feel sorry for her because she is a widow and lost her other son (died in her sleep), but as soon as I talk to her, she manipulates me and makes me feel guilty for doing things she doesn`t deserve. She must leave and never set foot in my house again! Enough is enough! A toxic mother-in-law “forgets” to invite your side of the family to family gatherings or invites them at the last minute. She talks about them as if they were under her. And she expects preferential treatment when it comes to spending time with her grandchildren. Entanglement can be very difficult, and if this is the case with your husband, only he can be the one to fix it. It can be difficult for him to recognize as an unhealthy relationship, especially if he has been confronted with this dynamic all his life. I would highly recommend therapy, both individual and couple, if it is within your abilities. A therapist can help your husband see what healthy relationships look like, determine if he`s unhealthy, and learn how to create and maintain boundaries.
The reality is that even if you cut off your mother-in-law, she can reintegrate into your life and make sure you don`t have the healthy, supportive partnership you deserve. Your husband is the person who plays an irreplaceable role in your life and in the life of your mother-in-law. The relationship you share with your mother-in-law can mainly affect your family`s environment and the equation with your partner.